Archive for the ‘Musings’ Category

Buh bye 2015

Recently I shared a FB meme that said (paraphrasing) I’m not the same person I was at the beginning of the year. Understatement. I’m now divorced after 25 years of marriage and in a relationship with a wonderful man, a cowboy named Ted. Not to disparage my ex, but Ted is the most compassionate, honest, genuine man I’ve ever known and have the privilege to call my boyfriend.

We met on, which I joined shortly after my legal separation was on the books in October. I wanted to start dating again, but my main reason for joining was to convince myself that I was still attractive. Dating is scary. I haven’t dated since I was in my 20s. I don’t know the rules. I met some ok guys but didn’t have sparks. This time around, I vowed I wouldn’t settle for someone I didn’t really like so much. And I didn’t.

I took a chance when I met Ted and it’s paid off in innumerable ways. We met October 27th and have been in an exclusive relationship since November 7th. Yes, it was fast, according to some. But my marriage ended emotionally for me Christmas 2014, so I had moved on and was ready in my heart. He lost his wife in October 2014 and was ready for a relationship with someone who shared the same interests. He’s reacquainted me with the me that I haven’t seen in years – being with horses, being around horse people, riding again, and learning a new sport (ranch sorting, in which Ted competes). Ted lives a simpler life than I, but I embrace it. I embrace our differences and our similarities. In a word, he makes me feel safe. Add in all the fun we’ve had and I see a bright future.

Who knows what awaits me in 2016. What awaits you in the new year?


We let Trevor go yesterday. I hope he’s in a place where there’s no pain or suffering. It was a horribly hard decision to make. He stopped eating, even baby food. We always said that when he stopped eating, it was time. Yet we still second-guessed. If we gave him antibiotics, would they help his probable gum infection? Probably. But what would happen next? He was 20 years old. He had chronic renal failure, a heart murmur, thyroid disease, teeth that needed to be extracted, and who knows what else. He was diagnosed with CRF and the heart murmur in 2006, and had been on meds ever since.

This past spring, a lower canine was protruding from his mouth. The vet recommended extraction, plus a complete dental exam and possible additional extractions, but no dental vet was available for at least two months. The estimated cost? Starting at $2500 and going up-way up-from there. We chose not to pursue the dental work. Had Trevor been half his age, we would have done it. But we had to be realistic. So his advanced gum infection is probably what led to his dying.

I expect him to come around the corner. I think I see him out of the corner of my eye. Marty and I burst into tears at the thought of him. I’ll never hold him, smell his delicious cat smell, or sit in the chair stroking him as he purred and pushed against my hand, ever again. The finality of everything hurts so much.

I held him while the vet administered the drugs. We sobbed so hard when he left us. But he knew how much we love him. I know he did. I thank God for every day we had with him, no matter how annoying he could be. He sat on the kitchen table and waited impatiently for bits. When we didn’t give him something from our plates, he tried to take it anyway. He loved catnip. He tolerated the dogs. Way back in 1994, he curled up with our Dante in the family room of our first house. We have pictures but I can’t look at them yet.

What a cat. I named him Trevor, our average-sized brown tabby. But his names were also Trebbie, Treb, Tray-ebb, Trev, Mr Kitty. I would hold him and whisper “kitty” to him in a special voice meant only for his ears. And he heard me.

What I’m grateful for

I feel as though my life has been on a roller coaster for the last three weeks. Big downs, big ups, little downs, little ups. First big down: Hearing that our dear friend Laura had a brain aneurysm, and remains in a coma after successful brain surgery to clamp it off. Followed by a big up almost two weeks later: Seeing Laura open her eyes and looking at Marty and me, and squeezing our hands in response.

Second big down: Getting rear-ended by a kid in a Passat on a downtown Denver street. Having to deal with all the crap afterwards, which is doubly painful because I didn’t cause this accident, yet I’m devoting my time and energy to heal my body and my car. It should be resolved by next week (I hope).

A little down: Falling on a sidewalk last night after tripping over my own feet (although Marty started it by accidentally stepping on my foot). Having that what-the-hell-just-happened feeling, like how I felt after my car getting hit. Feeling sore, scraped, battered, and bruised.

A little up: Feeling grateful for my family and friends. Maybe that should be another big up.

Happy Eleventy-Eleven!

Nothin like a new year to feel like you’re looking at a blank slate…even though you’re a sum of everything you’ve ever said and done. What a year 2010 was!

Happy Thanksgiving?

Mom, Max, Dad, and me…sans Marty!


Had a relatively good holiday – if you don’t count the fact that my husband didn’t go with me to my parents’ house as planned!

The night before our 7:35am flight from Denver to Las Vegas, we discovered that Star ripped his dewclaw nail. It had happened that day, but we didn’t notice until getting ready for bed around 9:00pm. It looked awful and he was in pain, so off to the emergency vet clinic we went. Had to wait; another dog was being treated for gunshot wounds.

Around 11:30, they sedated him, clipped the nail (likening it to a really bad hangnail), and sent us home at midnight. Our instructions: take the bandage off the next morning, limit exercise, withhold food for several hours, and make him wear the cone (of shame) to prevent infection. We didn’t want to put the burden of Star’s care on our pet sitter, who had met him just the week before. So we decided that Marty would stay home and I would travel alone.

The next morning, I called my parents from the airport and said, “Now don’t freak out, but Marty’s not coming.” I explained, and hung up. Minutes later, my mom called to say that I didn’t have to come if I didn’t want to; they’d completely understand. I said no, too late, I was on my way. Or at least, my bag was on its way to Vegas whether I accompanied it or not.

I never thought about his confirmed seat on the Southwest flight. I boarded and, as usual, sat as close to the front of the plane without sitting in the bulkhead. I was in the second row. Just before we left, the gate agent came running onto the plane and said my husband’s name and instructed him to press the call button immediately. I leaned out of my seat and said, “I’m his wife – he wasn’t able to make the flight”, and apologized for not saying anything when I checked my bag. No big deal; the gate agent left, and the flight attendant secured the door. She turned to me and said something like, “I’m so sorry he couldn’t make it.” Rather than go into the long story, I quipped, “Well, you know how it is…after 20 years of marriage, sometimes you need a break from each other, even on a holiday.” That got big laughs.

Even though we missed Marty, I was so glad that we made this decision. Star was fine; he’s healing and didn’t have to wear the cone for very long. Marty celebrated Thanksgiving at my brother’s house, and a good time was had by all. When I checked in for the return flight, I made sure to tell the reps that he wasn’t aboard, and they could resell his seat. Glad I did that; it was a completely full flight.

Now I see, firsthand, why airlines oversell flights, because the odds are good that not everyone who buys a ticket will travel.

New job

Can I just say that I am so happy to be working at Vestas? Two weeks in…great company, great coworkers, great commute…

A strange sight

Last week, I was driving north on I-25, almost to my exit, when I noticed that the southbound lanes were completely jammed up, with seemingly no cars getting through. This can’t be good, I thought. Must be a big wreck or something. I slowed down.

I saw what I thought was a deer trotting down I-25 next to the median, with all those cars creeping along behind it. When I got closer, I realized that it was a billy goat. I was glad to see that all the southbounders were being very cautious; pretty unusual for drivers on I-25, because the speed limit is 75. I drove a bit further and spotted a cowboy walking next to the median, following the goat, with a determined look on his face and rope coiled in his hands.

I didn’t read anything about it in the paper or on the Internet. I hope the cowboy successfully lassoed the goat and returned it to its rightful place. Wherever that was.

So excited for Dee!

My bestest friend Dee has landed the most awesome full-time gig in the Florida Everglades. She’ll work at the Ivey House B&B as a nature guide and concierge, starting April 15th. Check the place out:

It’s affiliated with the North American Canoe Tours Inc and Everglades Rentals & Eco Adventures:

I am so happy for her. She’ll be doing exactly what she wants to do in the place where she wants to do it (she’s always said that she wanted to end up in Florida). It’s a full-time, year-round job with incredible potential for adventure and opportunities. The Ivey House is so lucky to have her. She’ll show them what-all she can do. They will be amazed.

I will miss her. She leaves in about two weeks, but it’s so worth it for her. Trying to convince Marty that we need to go–perhaps October? We’ll see!!

Why do I say Good Morning to people I don’t care about?

‘Nuff said.

You can’t stop the crazies

A man opened fire at a middle school yesterday in Jefferson County, Colo (a few miles from Columbine), wounding two students before being tackled by a very brave teacher. The shooter’s father lamented that his son was mentally ill, but didn’t have insurance and couldn’t get help. BS! Even if the man had had insurance, would he have gotten help? Would that have stopped him from randomly shooting kids? I doubt it. I can hear the outcry now from the people who want so badly to take away our 2nd Amendment rights:  “If no one had guns, this wouldn’t happen.” WRONG. Why respond with so-called “tougher gun laws”? Would any more laws have stopped him from getting a gun? No – he stole it from his law-abiding father.

Here’s how you fight back: Arm the teachers. A single shot as the gunman reloaded his single-shot 30.06 could have taken him out cleanly. And wouldn’t the knowledge that teachers may be packing deter the crazies from targeting schools? They’re looking for unarmed, defenseless people; witness all the shootings at schools and churches.

No one can stop the crazy people out there by taking away our guns. But we can protect ourselves and our kids, and we must.